Affirmations

Saving my blogs from my facebook and myspace (whospace?) A favorite!

With my 30^th birthday just days away, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about what I’ve gotten out of the past ten years.  Starting off as a child and now being an adult is quite a bit to take even in ten years.  So here are some things that come to mind.  Granted, I’m still working on them and no one is perfect.  The whole point is to constantly assess and so far this is what I’ve come up with (some positive and others not so much.)  I’m looking forward to seeing what the next ten years brings me and who will be a part of my journey.  Hope to see you all on the flip side.  Thanks for a great decade. 

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Here we go….

People lie.  And they lie often.  It’s a sign of a couple of things but mostly it’s a sign of lack of ownership and maturity.  Personal integrity is never overrated.  I generally don’t pick up on the lying till it’s too late and I always like to give the benefit of the doubt but hey, I’m also realistic. 

Drama is overrated.  Be above it and stay out of it.  Even when the noise gets unbearable.

Those that create drama have no room in my life.  Life is too short to spend it on petty and trivial things. 

Even though family can drive you nuts they are the only ones that matter. And a friend that has earned the highest level of loyalty is like family but those friends are few and far between.  Even when you think they are plentiful, they really are not.

Moms and Dads, regardless of quirks, are generally nose on about life.  As they should be…and as we should be when we get to where they are. Life is cyclical.  Pay attention.

Trust and loyalty are hardest things to earn but the most easiest to lose. Treasure those two values like the gold they’re worth.  Sometimes there just isn’t enough “sorrys” in the world to go back to the days when things were perfect.  Don’t be a person someone can’t trust.

Integrity will never go out of style.

Love is a funny verb.  Like trust and loyalty it should be saved for the most pristine in your life.  It isn’t something to dole out like candy.  Guard it.  It makes it that much more special when you actually use it.

Compassion is like karma.  You should have it for others always because you never know when you’re going to need it yourself. 

Materialism is severely overrated.  There will be days when the coffers are full and other days when being able to pay the rent is questionable. Learn to be happy with the little things.  And learn to earn what you have.  Nothing is entitled.  And you are never the exception.

Hard work and perseverance are character builders.  Never shrink from building your character. 

The only thing you can control is yourself and your actions.  What can you do to make it a better situation versus waiting for everyone else to get their act together?  

Type A-ness only goes so far and is severely overrated.  I’m a type B on most things because most things are truly non-essentials but we forget that and spend way too much time on things that just don’t matter in the big picture.  Relax.  The world won’t end because the smallest of details are not perfect.  This also counts when planning weddings, funerals, group activities, etc. 

Smile often, love often, and give often. 

If you use the word ownership, it counts for you too.  Not just a word to use for everyone else to help prove something to you.  Ownership is everyone’s business.  We should all be taking part in being responsible for our actions. 

Don’t have the mentality of being above others.  It actually looks pretty tacky and I promise most people notice it and think of how many steps below you are for trying to act that way. 

Gandhi had it right.  Be the change you want to see in the world.  Even if that means you’re standing alone.  Eventually, if the cause is right, everyone else will catch on. 

Saying “ please” and “thank you” never goes out of style.  Politeness is a sign of respect and we should always respect ourselves and each other. 

Having a sense of humor gets you through life.  If you can’t find a way to laugh about it or through it, maybe you need to look at it differently and try again.   It keeps the heart open and the mind clear.

You cannot eat an elephant all in one bite.  It takes a lot of bites.  And one bite at a time.  Sometimes you just need to focus on getting through today and worry about tomorrow when tomorrow gets here.  Have goals and dreams but remember one bite at a time.  Especially on the hard stuff. 

Choices are all within your control.  And choices make life go round.  Have you checked on what kind of life choices you’re making lately?  Do they pass the test that you can share them with others?  If not, rethink them, change them, and move on. 

Don’t dwell on the mistakes you have made.  Everyone has a sob story and no one wants to hear it.  What people want to see is the success you draw on from moving forward and being the best person you can be. 

Goals and dreams are nothing to laugh at or to push off for another day. They should live on your refrigerator door that way you see them often and have them in your thoughts always.  Revise them when necessary. Keep them updated.  Speak of them often.  And never give up on them.

Hello, my name is Audrey and I have PCOS

I've been participating in a program to help control my PCOS through natural and holistic ways. I find that I've been posting a lot of PCOS articles and thoughts on my FB page but I think now is the time to share the whole enchilada. I've had so many women come to me and tell me that they appreciate my inspiring posts or informative information and the fact that I am outspoken about such a personal issue. I think if my words help just one woman feel like it will be ok then all my Pollyanna statements and articles are worth it.

PCOS affects 10% of women. For everyone of us it means something different. There are "thin cysters," "heavy cycsters," and even just "average cysters." Some of us find we are losing our hair in the same places men go bald because of high testosterone levels. Others of us find we have hair in places men grow hair for the same reason. And even worst some of us have thinning, balding, receding hair lines and grow hair on our chins, necks, lips, back, stomach, feet, toes, fingers, etc. Our androgen levels are too high or off balance. We don't menstruate on a regular basis and that can mean our fertility "plumbing" doesn't work so well. While some women have children with or without help some of us are unable to get pregnant. Acne can be a problem. Weight in the waist as well as insulin resistance or metabolic syndrome is common. Those are just some of the visible symptoms. It's the the ones going on below the surface that scare me the most. Inflammation markers tend to be high, "cysters" get bumped up to the front of the line for diseases like heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, certain cancers, high cholesterol, gluten allergies, UTIs, depression, anxiety, irritable bowel syndrome and the list goes on.

I'm doing a week long PCOS intensive and we had to write an intro about ourselves and our journey... here is part of mine:

I first knew something was wrong when I was 15 or 16. All the other girls were having their periods and I learned how to use a set of tweezers. At age 19 I still wasn't having a period and my PA told me she thought I might have this thing called PCOS but don't worry, any girl would give to go without their period naturally. At 25 I still wasn't having a period and thought that it was time to "be an adult" and face to music of what was wrong with my body. I always struggled losing weight but put it on easily. And the tweezers had turned into a monthly waxing appointment with a tweeze session on Friday afternoons so I could go out with ease on Friday nights with my girlfriends without fear of being mocked for hair that grew on my face (I mean, come on! like I wanted it in the first place, right????)

I often describe going through puberty at 25. After all the typical PCOS blood test, ob-gyn appointments, and internist visits I was given BC, told to quit smoking and that while the average girl should run for 30 mins I should run for 45-60. Keep that up and I should be fine. Over the next couple of years the blood tests continued and this white blood count test was always done and convenietly I would be sick or whatnot so they chalked up the "higher than normal" test results to being ill. I had no idea that my inflammation marker has never been below a 7 and has been high as 13 or that I should be concerned about this! No one even suggested even how to get it down. "Just keep running, Audrey" The weight continued to creep up. My cholesterol was never much over 200 but my bad was too high, my good was too low and my trys were in the 450s! (they should never be above 150 (don't quote me on that one) and high trys are what lead to clogged arteries and heart attacks) At 25 I ballooned from 180 lbs (I was always comfortable at 175-180) to 200 and from 2007 to 2011 reached all the way up to 223. Was told to "keep running, join weight watchers" you'll be fine.

At one point (about three years ago) I was playing soccer, volleyball, did Turbokick up to four times a week and would go to the gym in my spare time (although I was working full-time and going to school full-time) and I actually put on about 10 lbs that year. I found my "soulmate" work out through the company Beach Body where I found one of my biggest mentors, Chalene Johnson and Turbo Kick. The doctors kept telling me to keep running but I don't know about you all, the treadmill really sucks! I finally found an exercise that was high intensity and that I couldn't wait for the next class. I actually got out of bed at 4:45 am twice a week to go and "kick butt!" and while I wasn't losing any weight my cholesterol numbers started to go down and my moods weren't all over the place. And if I did feel rather moody or angry I just "kicked it out" in Turbo.

It was this time last year that I was in my turbo class and had a PVST moment where my heart rate went up to 220 and got stuck. Getting wheeled out on a gurney during my favorite activity--my personal AJ time was embarressing and heart breaking. And it shattered the last bit of confidence I had left. I just didn't know it yet. After a month or so I started randomly freaking out--long story short and a lot of doctors later I was diagnosed with severe Generalized Anxiety disorder. I was a mess. My body bascially took over because I wasn't taking care of it. It took six months to get the panic attacks to slow down. During all this time my blood was drawn again and all my levels were up. Now I had the start of something called "fatty liver" and my cholesterol was 210. Anxiety did help one thing though...I lost 27 lbs.

I started a meal replacement shake called Shakeology and started taking a few extra supplements like fish oil, vit D, magnesium and I felt better. My cholesterol dropped significantly and my inflammation markers were lower but still high. The panic started to get under control and I was starting to feel like "me" again. I was still deathly afraid of the gym. My weight started to creep back up and my moods were all over the place again. My doctor told me I had to get back on the gym routine. I just didn't have it in me. The school year started (I work at the local Univeristy) and the stress factor shot through the roof. This doesn't help PCOS or anxiety. I was put on Zoloft and Kolonopin to help with anxiety, depression and the inner anger I was always feeling.

Throughout my journey with PCOS there have been many times I felt it was taking over but I hit a total wall about October and that's when I found PCOS Diva through FB. I had been struggling with the concept of never having children and preparing myself that it may just never happen. All I felt was anger. Anger at this disease that robbed me of so many things about being a woman. I started looking at different PCOS sites on FB and Amy's impressed me the most. I started reading her site on a regular basis and saw she had a program to become a PCOS diva and after our first conversation was overwhelmed with information but felt like I had run out of options...perhaps the healthy option should have been the first option...who knew?? :)

So that's a big part of my PCOS story. Right now I'm in month four of a six month of my PCOS Diva program. I've learned so much about food and about myself. I feel so better on the inside and its starting to show on the outside. My weight is finally dropping again, my anxiety is under better control and I don't feel so angry about everything all the time. My energy levels are way up as well.

I may have kids one day, I may not. I'm still working on acceptance of that one. Personally, some of the other health concerns of PCOS have my attention more than getting pregnant. I also do not believe that motherhood is only for those who have pushed watermelons out of their vajays. (a whole other blog for a different time) That is definitely one of those things if it's going to happen I'll let it happen naturally. I'm not about pumping myself full of hormones to force my body to have kids. And I'm ok with that.

For my "soul-cysters" out there...there is hope. Everyone's PCOS is different but I didn't find any relief through traditional medicine. I found it through eating the right foods, cooking at home and reducing the stress in my life. There are lots of PCOS sites out there. Some of my favorites like PCOS Diva finally gave me answers I have been looking for for over 14 years.

Good luck in your journeys and know you are not alone!