Hello, my name is Audrey and I have PCOS

I've been participating in a program to help control my PCOS through natural and holistic ways. I find that I've been posting a lot of PCOS articles and thoughts on my FB page but I think now is the time to share the whole enchilada. I've had so many women come to me and tell me that they appreciate my inspiring posts or informative information and the fact that I am outspoken about such a personal issue. I think if my words help just one woman feel like it will be ok then all my Pollyanna statements and articles are worth it.

PCOS affects 10% of women. For everyone of us it means something different. There are "thin cysters," "heavy cycsters," and even just "average cysters." Some of us find we are losing our hair in the same places men go bald because of high testosterone levels. Others of us find we have hair in places men grow hair for the same reason. And even worst some of us have thinning, balding, receding hair lines and grow hair on our chins, necks, lips, back, stomach, feet, toes, fingers, etc. Our androgen levels are too high or off balance. We don't menstruate on a regular basis and that can mean our fertility "plumbing" doesn't work so well. While some women have children with or without help some of us are unable to get pregnant. Acne can be a problem. Weight in the waist as well as insulin resistance or metabolic syndrome is common. Those are just some of the visible symptoms. It's the the ones going on below the surface that scare me the most. Inflammation markers tend to be high, "cysters" get bumped up to the front of the line for diseases like heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, certain cancers, high cholesterol, gluten allergies, UTIs, depression, anxiety, irritable bowel syndrome and the list goes on.

I'm doing a week long PCOS intensive and we had to write an intro about ourselves and our journey... here is part of mine:

I first knew something was wrong when I was 15 or 16. All the other girls were having their periods and I learned how to use a set of tweezers. At age 19 I still wasn't having a period and my PA told me she thought I might have this thing called PCOS but don't worry, any girl would give to go without their period naturally. At 25 I still wasn't having a period and thought that it was time to "be an adult" and face to music of what was wrong with my body. I always struggled losing weight but put it on easily. And the tweezers had turned into a monthly waxing appointment with a tweeze session on Friday afternoons so I could go out with ease on Friday nights with my girlfriends without fear of being mocked for hair that grew on my face (I mean, come on! like I wanted it in the first place, right????)

I often describe going through puberty at 25. After all the typical PCOS blood test, ob-gyn appointments, and internist visits I was given BC, told to quit smoking and that while the average girl should run for 30 mins I should run for 45-60. Keep that up and I should be fine. Over the next couple of years the blood tests continued and this white blood count test was always done and convenietly I would be sick or whatnot so they chalked up the "higher than normal" test results to being ill. I had no idea that my inflammation marker has never been below a 7 and has been high as 13 or that I should be concerned about this! No one even suggested even how to get it down. "Just keep running, Audrey" The weight continued to creep up. My cholesterol was never much over 200 but my bad was too high, my good was too low and my trys were in the 450s! (they should never be above 150 (don't quote me on that one) and high trys are what lead to clogged arteries and heart attacks) At 25 I ballooned from 180 lbs (I was always comfortable at 175-180) to 200 and from 2007 to 2011 reached all the way up to 223. Was told to "keep running, join weight watchers" you'll be fine.

At one point (about three years ago) I was playing soccer, volleyball, did Turbokick up to four times a week and would go to the gym in my spare time (although I was working full-time and going to school full-time) and I actually put on about 10 lbs that year. I found my "soulmate" work out through the company Beach Body where I found one of my biggest mentors, Chalene Johnson and Turbo Kick. The doctors kept telling me to keep running but I don't know about you all, the treadmill really sucks! I finally found an exercise that was high intensity and that I couldn't wait for the next class. I actually got out of bed at 4:45 am twice a week to go and "kick butt!" and while I wasn't losing any weight my cholesterol numbers started to go down and my moods weren't all over the place. And if I did feel rather moody or angry I just "kicked it out" in Turbo.

It was this time last year that I was in my turbo class and had a PVST moment where my heart rate went up to 220 and got stuck. Getting wheeled out on a gurney during my favorite activity--my personal AJ time was embarressing and heart breaking. And it shattered the last bit of confidence I had left. I just didn't know it yet. After a month or so I started randomly freaking out--long story short and a lot of doctors later I was diagnosed with severe Generalized Anxiety disorder. I was a mess. My body bascially took over because I wasn't taking care of it. It took six months to get the panic attacks to slow down. During all this time my blood was drawn again and all my levels were up. Now I had the start of something called "fatty liver" and my cholesterol was 210. Anxiety did help one thing though...I lost 27 lbs.

I started a meal replacement shake called Shakeology and started taking a few extra supplements like fish oil, vit D, magnesium and I felt better. My cholesterol dropped significantly and my inflammation markers were lower but still high. The panic started to get under control and I was starting to feel like "me" again. I was still deathly afraid of the gym. My weight started to creep back up and my moods were all over the place again. My doctor told me I had to get back on the gym routine. I just didn't have it in me. The school year started (I work at the local Univeristy) and the stress factor shot through the roof. This doesn't help PCOS or anxiety. I was put on Zoloft and Kolonopin to help with anxiety, depression and the inner anger I was always feeling.

Throughout my journey with PCOS there have been many times I felt it was taking over but I hit a total wall about October and that's when I found PCOS Diva through FB. I had been struggling with the concept of never having children and preparing myself that it may just never happen. All I felt was anger. Anger at this disease that robbed me of so many things about being a woman. I started looking at different PCOS sites on FB and Amy's impressed me the most. I started reading her site on a regular basis and saw she had a program to become a PCOS diva and after our first conversation was overwhelmed with information but felt like I had run out of options...perhaps the healthy option should have been the first option...who knew?? :)

So that's a big part of my PCOS story. Right now I'm in month four of a six month of my PCOS Diva program. I've learned so much about food and about myself. I feel so better on the inside and its starting to show on the outside. My weight is finally dropping again, my anxiety is under better control and I don't feel so angry about everything all the time. My energy levels are way up as well.

I may have kids one day, I may not. I'm still working on acceptance of that one. Personally, some of the other health concerns of PCOS have my attention more than getting pregnant. I also do not believe that motherhood is only for those who have pushed watermelons out of their vajays. (a whole other blog for a different time) That is definitely one of those things if it's going to happen I'll let it happen naturally. I'm not about pumping myself full of hormones to force my body to have kids. And I'm ok with that.

For my "soul-cysters" out there...there is hope. Everyone's PCOS is different but I didn't find any relief through traditional medicine. I found it through eating the right foods, cooking at home and reducing the stress in my life. There are lots of PCOS sites out there. Some of my favorites like PCOS Diva finally gave me answers I have been looking for for over 14 years.

Good luck in your journeys and know you are not alone!